For the second time in under three years, we find ourselves saying goodbye to our pet. We lost our pit bull, Cheeba, in January 2018. Chris had rescued her after she was left abandoned in an empty apartment. She was probably about two years old at the time. It was intimidating that when he woke up, Cheeba would be standing over him, but with consistent training, she soon turned into a dream dog.
She lived a very long life (we believe she was 19 years old) and we noticed changes over her last two years. She slowed down, her hair started to grey, she developed a sizeable growth on her side (nothing harmful, just a benign growth common in older dogs), and she wasn’t as vocal as she once was. It was sad to see the changes, but she was healthy and happy. Eventually, she began having bladder control issues, so we bought diapers for her. We had several discussions as to how we would proceed “when the time came.”
That day finally arrived. I won’t go into detail, but her happy, healthy, albeit slow demeanor turned into distress. We made some phone calls to arrange her relief and were shocked at how many of the veterinarians we spoke to demanded that she undergo a physical. One even stated that we were not qualified to make this decision for our very much loved family pet. With the help of our good friends, we found a vet that would help us and understood that we, more than anyone else, knew what was happening with our dog.
While we knew it was the right thing to do, that didn’t make the actual doing any less painful. Instead of allowing Cheeba to suffer, her life ended with a simple injection, cradled in her daddy’s arms, surrounded by the people who loved her. It was heart-rending for us, and to this day, even though we know we did what was best, Chris still questions whether it was the right decision.
Back in 2005, our youngest son wanted a kitten. After some research, I went to a cat rescue and brought home an orange tabby. Kevin named him Max. He was such a laid-back, incredible cat. We bought a house the following summer and went back to the same rescue for another cat. The rescue is fantastic, with no cages. All of the cats are allowed to roam free throughout the house, with a room dedicated to the kittens. Nick picked a sweet, fluffy kitten, Toby. While they were getting acquainted, Joe found a little black runt of a kitten with a crooked tail. He fell in love. How could I tell him no? Shadow made us a family with three cats.
They were lively, playful, joyful little kittens. They spent most of December running up and down our Christmas tree, knocking branches loose. Needless to say, we did not use ornaments that year. As the kittens grew older, they started going outside. We had a cat door, so they were free to roam in and out as they pleased, which made for some exciting moments as Toby was adept at catching critters and bringing them home to us.
As the kids got older, we no longer needed the large house, so downsized. When we moved the cats, they immediately scattered. We searched for them, put signs up in the new neighborhood, and contacted animal control. We never found out what happened to the two boys. While we were watching tv a few days after we moved, we heard Shadow outside. She has always been a very timid creature. She was scared and would not come to us. Chris sat outside, calling to her for hours, with no luck. He did the same when she returned the following night until we were finally able to bring her inside, where she has been ever since.
With the cats spending most of their time outside, they didn’t have much interaction with Cheeba. Now that Shadow was an inside cat, the two of them became very close. We often would come home from work to find Shadow curled up with Cheeba inside the kennel.
In the last month, Shadow started showing the signs that she was nearing the end of her life. Showing no signs of distress, we chose to give her palliative care at home. It was a tremendous emotional strain to watch her become steadily weaker. Shadow spent the last weeks of her life cuddled up with us most of the time. She had moments where she wanted to be by herself under a chair, but after a few hours, she would always come back out for more cuddling.
I don’t know what is more formidable, deciding to humanely end a pet’s life when they are suffering, or allowing a weakened, but otherwise happy (she was still purring) one to go peacefully. Hospice care, whether for a person or a pet, is very difficult for the caregiver. Either way, there is tremendous guilt. Did I make the right decision? Was there more that I could have done to help them? Should I have intervened in the process?
We raised our pets from babies or rescued them when they were older, but either way, we have devoted our lives to taking care of and loving our fur babies. We need to stop second-guessing ourselves. We know, in our gut, when it’s time, and we will do our best to ease their pain, keep them comfortable and let them know that they are loved. We do the best we can, and that is good enough.
I know you will both miss Shadow and Cheeba. My eyes are leaking right now. Love you both.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending gentle hugs your way.
I’m so sorry for the losses of your fur babies, it’s one of the most difficult things to go through 🖤 euthanasia is a terrible decision to have to make but truly the best way to go. It’s still hard to get rid of the guilt either way though, I know it 🙁
Having experienced both ways, I would say euthanasia was the easier route emotionally. As difficult as it was going the palliative care route, though, I don’t regret it. The last few days, she was unconcious most of the time. I will treasure those last moments of love we shared during her brief periods of being awake.
Losing pets is so hard, especially when you have to make tough decisions during that time. I hope your memories will give you peace and eventually bring some joy.
Oh this is such a tough topic. I am so sorry. May you find peace in the memories you have.
Losing a pet is so hard! We had to put my childhood dog down when I was 19. She had been with me since I was 4. so hard
Losing a pet is always so hard!
Oh, your sweet pets look beautiful. It is so heart wrenching when we have to say goodbye.
I’m really sorry for the loss of your pets. Sad.
I’m sorry for your loss. Our pets truly become a family member. Such a great memoir you have shared.
Watching an animal die is always so hard. After watching my childhood dog die at the hands of a vet, I swore I would never do that to another animal. My husband’s dog died naturally here at home, as did our next dog. But this past January, we had to make that dreaded decision, and ultimately, our beautiful lab died in the hands of the vet. It was the hardest decision I’ve had to deal with lately, even with everything else going on in the world, but her pain with her tumors was too great and we couldn’t let her suffer anymore. I still feel awful about it, though.
It’s definitely a lose/lose decision to have to make. I think as long as we do what we truly think is best it has to be ok. I am sorry for your loss.
It is so hard to lose fur babies….so sorry for your loss
She looks like my cat Sammy. I got him after my cat Princess passed away in my arms the end of March. I had my doubts but she had a great life and she died at home with me. Sorry for your loss.
It was such a tough thing to do, but I believe in my core that it was the best way for her.